Back home. Never should have left.

It has been an interesting three weeks. There are times when you are led to a vague suspicion that God is active in your life.
And then there are times when it is blatantly obvious. About three weeks ago, I finally took the plunge and decided to begin serving again by teaching kids large group at our new church in St. Charles. I used to teach at our old church, and fell in love with it. I stepped away for too long, and it was time to re-engage. So I did. I checked out the program, and it was literally exactly the same program I taught before. It felt like a bit of confirmation that I was doing the right thing.

Then something happened that pulled the rug out from under everything. The thing that had inspired me to teach in the first place was a year-long process called CRHP that I went through six years ago. And I formed incredibly tight bonds with the men who shared that experience with me. Calling it transformational doesn’t begin to do it justice. Well, four days after I went to check out that teaching opportunity at my new church, one of my CRHP brothers died while working at his desk. He was only a handful of years older than me. I’m the guy who always has words to say. And I had nothing.

Without over-analyzing things like I normally do, I knew after about ten minutes what I needed to do. I needed to see my CRHP brothers. Trading emails wasn’t going to get it done. Mike was gone. And when that happens, you go back to family. These men are my family. We sat together through the service. One of the leaders who pulled us through that year long process gathered us together after the service into a circle, arms interlocked. I had honestly forgotten this ritual from our weekly meetings. And he prayed the way he always did. Like he knew he was talking to a God that listened and cared.

My amazing wife and I decided that it was time to surrender to the fact that this was our home, regardless of the 45 minute drive it would take to get there every Sunday. This was home. And that’s it. And something happened that I hadn’t expected, and had almost forgotten. There was a time when I would experience waves of inspiration, ideas, almost all of the time. I would call it “chatter” and I was fairly certain these were words I was receiving from God because they weren’t things I would normally think on my own. And they clicked and made sense in ways my own thoughts simply don’t.

The second week back at our home church, the chatter returned. With a vengeance. As clear as it had ever been. Then later that week I very randomly met an incredible man who is 1000% sold out on living for Christ despite a genuinely tortured daily existence battling PTSD on a daily basis. He has huge plans to literally end veteran homelessness, and needed my help. Then, on the same day, even more randomly I ended up having lunch with a 23 year old street preacher who quit his job about a year earlier and literally picked up a microphone and started standing at Adams and the river in Chicago to tell his witness in Christ. Every day.

All this is happening at the same time. And I feel more alive than I ever have. But something else has been dragging at me harder than ever as well. The opportunity to become mired in vicious debate has reached what may be a all time peak with the faceless communication platform that is social media. Combine this with the most volatile political environment of my lifetime, and I was slipping back into a habit I had dropped years before. I was entangling my mind not within the strong desire to make disciples. No. My commitment was to do nothing more than break people down to the point that I would win an argument. And that victory is very much an illusion. Especially when gained through social media.

I’m not sure why, but tonight I found the script of the witness I delivered to a room full of amazing men five years ago as I had my chance to lead others through CRHP the way I had been led the year before. And chills coursed through me. These words were not written by a man who was trying to win a political debate. These words were written by a man who was absolutely obsessed with the singular goal of making disciples of other men just like me. Flawed. Damaged. Filled with sin. But disciples none-the-less.

And then at the end I read the scripture I closed with that day, and it snapped me out of my self-righteous persona I had taken on in Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. I encourage you to read these words as well, and let them sink in. I hope, after you do, with the boldness of a street preacher or a veteran surviving PTSD, you’ll seek and receive your own singular obsession and pursue it relentlessly and even recklessly. Perhaps this Lent season isn’t about what you’re giving up, but about who you will serve. Because that is what Christ did for us. An I had forgotten that. While the politicians rage on in their attempts at shallow victories, Christ chose to wash our feet. While the crowds screamed to convict him, he laid down his life. So that we would not only be saved, but learn how to save others. So… let’s win less and follow more. Debate less, and serve more. Collect fewer victories, and make more disciples. The way Christ did:

John 13:12-16 – “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are right, for that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.”

Alignment

A chiropractor would tell you that you cannot function properly without proper alignment of your spine, your hips, your shoulders, your… everything.

We get by without these things being aligned.  But it forces us into a life which is less than what we were created to be.  And we can feel that.

 

What if “everything” included your spirit?

What if there was a way to align that too?

There is.

More to come.

Don’t accept God’s will so easily.

 

We’re supposed to accept God’s will, right?  I mean, if we’re good Christians and all.  Isn’t it the hallmark of being a “good Christian” that we fairly easily accept the will of God when bad things happen in our lives?

“God provideth.  And God taketh away.”

This is what wise people say when tragedy strikes.

And I think, much of the time, this is good.  But is it possible to take this acceptance of God’s will too far?  I think so.  Just as with anything else.  This one is a bit hard to explain without getting myself into a lot of trouble, but I’ll try.

Ultimately we’re talking about this incredible question of why God allows bad things to happen.  This is tough stuff, and we’re ultimately not answering that large question here.  But only a small part of it.  Why would God allow a woman to be raped when he is ultimately in control?  There are a lot of theories.  And in this post, I’m not talking about large events like this.  Huge events that cause us to question humanity and God itself.  And I’m certainly not suggesting that getting raped is somehow discipline from God.  So let’s not lose focus and dive off into that.  Let’s have a good conversation about something that matters.  But that is not quite at that level.

I’m talking about small issues.  The loss of a job.  Foreclosure.  Car accident without major loss.  Break-ups.  Even possibly divorce.  Should we just simply shrug our shoulders in these cases and say, “Well, I suppose losing this house is God’s will.”

I don’t think so.  I think we should get pissed off.  And angry.  Even if it means being angry at God.  Because there are times when God needs to do crazy things to get our attention.  So if we just toe the line and act like good Christians who never complain about God’s will, we may be missing out on the very lesson that God is pushing us to accept.

Question: If God allows a foreclosure to come into your life, are you being tested to see how passive you’ll be in the light of his will?  Or is God intentionally trying to get you so pissed off that you finally root something out of your life that he wants rooted out of your life?  See, I’m not so convinced that God wants us to just be fully passive and just lay down at every tragedy.

Look at David in the Psalms.  A third (I’m guessing here) of the Psalms are about David being pissed off at God about one thing or another.  And letting God know it.  And what about Jacob with getting his hip dislocated.  Jacob didn’t enter into this fight with God, or an angel (depending on the scholars you listen to) and simply say, “God is fighting with me so he wins.”  No.  He fought.  And fought.  Until God literally dislocated his hip.  He was the opposite of passive.  And from there on his name was Israel.

What if Zechariah had simply folded up shop and never tried to speak again, and then never raised his son John with the strength of a man who had been afflicted by God for months without the ability to speak?  Can you think of someone more rebellious than John (other than Christ himself of course).  How pissed off do you think Zechariah was at God?  At himself?  How much did that anger fester and build until he was at a boiling point where he could hear the words, “His name is John” and finally speak them.

The Bible is a lot of things.  But a guidebook on how to live a quiet, keep-to-yourself passive life taking whatever comes your way isn’t one of them.

I am not convinced that we should so easily accept God’s will but should become angry, become self-examining, become God-examining, even possibly fight.  Because it is often through these very struggles that we become who we are meant to be.  We are the Jacob who becomes Israel.  Perhaps these minor tragedies that affect our lives are meant to press us to a point of breaking, with the knowledge that God will see to it that the pieces fall in a way that was better than when they were whole.

If you are struggling, perhaps take a break from praying for your struggle to end and pray for guidance on the change God is seeking in your life.  Pray for guidance on how to push through this tragedy as opposed to walking away from it.  Pray for the strength God is desperately hoping you will realize he has given you.  Pray for the eyes to see the discipline God is seeking to infuse into your life.

Again, this is not a simple matter.  And perhaps your struggle has nothing to do with a change God wants to see in your life.  Maybe it’s just a struggle.  Sometimes things suck.  Sometimes things are tragic.  But my encouragement to you is to be less passive in the face of God’s will and accept the challenge that the struggle presents you.  Feel the anger it makes you feel.  Feel the sadness it makes you suffer.  Get angry with God and tell him you are angry.

But don’t take the risk of missing the very breakthrough you may need because you read somewhere that no matter what, everything bad should just be accepted.  You must accept God’s will.  But don’t assume it is his will that you stop fighting at the first sign of struggle.

JDV

Now… go be amazing.  It’s how you were built.

God’s will: I’ve had it backwards all this time.

I’m working my way through a good book titled Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung, and it’s all about his unconventional methodology behind discerning God’s will for your life.  SWEET!  I really want to know God’s will for my life, and I REALLY like things that are unconventional.  So I saddled up and started reading.  And what a HUGE disappointment!  There is no magic bullet in discerning God’s will.  In fact, I’ve been going about it all wrong all these years.  Well, “backward” would be more accurate than “wrong.”

I’ve always felt like the smaller details of my life would fall into place once I finally grasped my major life calling from God.  I don’t really struggle with the huge things in life.  My struggle is in the daily details.  My sins, my rebellions, are in the small daily diversions which are so available to us these days.  And I am a sucker for all of them.  I won’t stand before God with three or four major life rebellions to account for.  I’ll stand before Him with a list of thousands of things I either did or didn’t do that were sinful.  But every one of them on their own seemed genuinely inconsequential.

But once I receive my calling from God, that will all be over.  Because then my life will be in alignment and these things which draw my attention away from God will lose their luster, their magnetic power over me.  In other words, once the BIG thing is in place… all the little things will take care of themselves.

So apparently I needed this book Just Do Something to finally realize how completely insane this perspective is.  Trust me, even as I write this it sounds nuts to put these words on screen.  But literally until about twenty minutes ago, this was my thinking.  If only the huge driving force that I’m supposed to adhere to in life would simply be revealed, then my minor rebellions, my little failures to walk with God, will be no longer.  I’ll be so frickin’ inspired that my struggles will simply dissolve!  My near addiction to these little rebellions will be overpowered by a passion that consumes me… the passion to pursue my newly discovered WILL OF GOD IN MY LIFE!  (Read that last part with a dramatic booming voice, okay?)

Is this how anything works?  Of course not.  It makes so  MUCH MORE SENSE for God to say, “I will be patient and wait for you to follow me in all of these little things you do before I reveal to you the main purpose for which you’ve been created.”  Of course that makes more sense!  So much more sense that I’m literally embarrassed to have had to write the paragraphs preceding this one.

Why on earth would God send me on the very largest mission for which I’ve been created when I can’t string together 70 solid minutes of obedience to Him in the smallest details of my life?  Why would I expect Him to, either?  And isn’t there a MASSIVE sense of arrogance and entitlement in my prior understanding?  “Hey God, I know I basically ignore you at every opportunity I get… but that’s kinda on you, isn’t it?  Hook me up with a sweet calling and then I’ll stop treating you like a doormat.  Bueno?  Great.  Now hop to it pal.  Jeopardy is on soon.”

Wow.  That’s an only slightly exaggerated version of the inside of my head until about a half hour ago.  It’s shameful.  Thank God (literally) that he loves us as much as He does.

I spend the last couple of weeks of each year praying and asking for a single word to guide me through the coming year. It’s something I picked up from Brian Hardin of the One Year Daily Audio Bible years ago.  The word I got this year is, “Execute.”  I’m an idea guy.  But in my process of coming up with huge ideas, I really don’t execute on the basics that are the foundation of any genuinely meaningful life.  Last year my word was, “Achieve” and I ran the Chicago Marathon.  It almost killed me.  But I did it.  However, I did it in the worst possible way.  I failed to train properly.  I failed to eat properly.  I did what I usually do: I winged it.  I half-assed it.  And through sheer will and determination I finished that marathon.  I injured my left ankle and both feet doing so, though, due to my lack of preparation.  So my word for this year is, “Execute.”

How do you execute?  There are a hundred things happening in my life that point to the fact that execution is about the daily little things that add up to a major accomplishment.  These daily disciplines are missing from my life.  I am not going to understand the will of God in my life that I might receive SOMEDAY until I respect Him enough to execute on the small daily things He has ALREADY told me to do.

No, I don’t know if God wants me to quit my job and become a pastor.  I haven’t received that major life direction yet from God.  But God did speak to me about the smaller things.  He spoke to you too.  Through scripture.  It’s easy to forget, as we’re waiting for the loud booming voice from heaven, that the voice of God is probably sitting on a shelf in our living room right now.  Real, tangible, useful direction from God on how to answer his calling in our lives.  We call them spiritual disciplines.  Prayer.  Worship.  Sacrifice.  Charity.  And the Bible is full of them.  Have you ever seen one of those funny billboards, “If you’ve been waiting for a sign… this is a sign.”  Well similarly, if you’ve been waiting to “hear from God” on how to live your life, then why not go ahead and read the book He gave on how to live our lives?

So I suppose I actually have received my calling from God.  It’s written in the dozens of books of the Bible that I’ve read over and over… but haven’t really followed.  I look forward to spending the next year executing on these small daily things that God has already called me to do.  Execute on these little daily things.  Subject my life to God in all these little ways.  All this time I’ve been praying about surrendering to God and haven’t even taken the smallest of steps like changing up my morning routine.  “Oh… you mean surrendering to God is more than just a passionate well-spoken prayer?  I actually have to change tangible things in my daily life?  Who knew??”

So that’s how my 2017 started.  It’s amazing what happens when you take a few hours away from TV and internet.

God bless you all!  And Happy New Year.

J

Epiphany Denied

My deal is that I’m constantly trying to improve myself.  Seems great.  Except that I’m all about the books and podcasts and blogs and Instagram motivational pictures, and all that stuff.  But I’m a little light on the actual… improvement.  I know what I need to do.  I just don’t do it.  I came to the firm conclusion that I just don’t want to change.  I was listening to Tony Robbins and he made an excellent point.  Change doesn’t actually take a long time.  Preparation for change takes a long time.  It takes years of fighting with diets without losing any weight.  Because you don’t really follow them.  But at some point, in an instant moment, you just finally decide that you’re going to get healthy.  And you do.  And it wasn’t the years of working on change that did it.  It was the instantaneous decision that this time it was for real and you really were going to pursue your health.

So my assumption was that this invariably was the result of an epiphany moment.  That moment when suddenly everything in your life became crystal clear.  You saw your true purpose and the clear path to pursue it.  Your calling in life is revealed to you.  And motivation is no longer an issue because you’ve had this epiphany.  And from that moment on, everything was different.  Smooth sailing.  Almost effortless because your goals and mission and purpose were suddenly aligned.

Oh, and that’s not something you create.  It’s something that happens TO YOU.  And it comes from God.  So I would pray for it.  A lot.  And I would hear stories about other people having these epiphany moments.  And I’d wish I could have one.  And I’d pray for one.  A lot.

And I wouldn’t get one.  Like… ever.  Nope.  No epiphany moment.  No swinging wide the floodgates of change.  Nothing.

Epiphany denied.

I was sitting in church a couple of weeks ago and it hit me.  I’m never going to get one.  Other people get one because it’s right for them.  God knows them perfectly and knows they will change their lives based on that epiphany.  But he knows me too.  And he knows that he could toss an epiphany at me and I’d squander it.  I’m not saying that to be down on myself.  It doesn’t make me a bad person.  It just means I’m not someone who instantly turns their life around on a dime because of an epiphany event.  So why would God give one to me?

So I figured God has stuck me into this life that I’m in and has given me a healthy dose of dissatisfaction.  Not because my life is bad.  But because I know I could bring more to my life and those around me than I do.  That type of dissatisfaction.  It’s a healthy type of dissatisfaction.  And I have a lot of it.  But I just never seem to take the action needed satisfy it.

Work is an excellent example.  I have a great job, but I don’t make my production goals on a daily basis.  Often I miss them by a lot.  In prior jobs I would excel to a point based on people liking me.  (Who wouldn’t??  I’m fantastic.)  But at some point the extent to which people like you fades into the background and you need to produce.  And I wouldn’t produce.  And it would be time to move on.  I’d be smart enough to see it coming and I’d bail and look for a new job and I’d get one, and often a better one.  I moved up and up and up.  And finally I was fired from a sales job because I just wasn’t hitting my production.  It finally caught up to me.  So I left an entire industry this time and went to law school.  And I did well.  But after a while the production slid, but I was able to hide again and I pulled through with decent grades.  On to being a lawyer.

And then I get this job as a lawyer.  The same one I have now.  Ten years.  That’s a long time for a guy who has production issues.  Why hasn’t this one blown up yet?  Even though year after year I’ve missed my mark?  Because my employer has made the decision to stick with me.  And I’ve given them plenty of reasons to bail on me.  But they just refuse.  To be honest, there have been times that I wish they would have fired me.  Because then I could replace my anger with myself around production with anger at them for firing me.  And I could hide from it again.  Start fresh.  Again.

But they just won’t do it.  Even worse, they keep giving me greater incentive to stay.  Better benefits.  Good raises.  What is the deal?

And I have figured it out.  This is the ultimate denial of an epiphany, and a denial of my ability to hide my weakness on production.  None of my excuses work any more.  And running on personality alone ran dry years ago.  It’s been a decade.  And they’ve turned the heat up.  I have to produce this year.  Time is up.  And I am.  I’m finally producing the quality and quantity of work that I’ve been capable of all along.

So why go through all this personal story.  The point I guess I’m trying to make is that God knows us better than we know ourselves.  When I was asking for an epiphany I didn’t really want one.  It would be more accurate to say that I just wanted God to solve this production issue for me.  I’d rather not develop myself.  Let’s just have God wave his wand and fix me all up.  Nothing required from me before.

I know God pretty well and that just not usually how he works.  At least not in my life.  My struggle and journey to solve this central problem in my life has taught me everything about myself.  It’s actually forced me to accept that there are things that are RIGHT about me, where I normally prefer to just focus on everything that is wrong.  It was the equivalent of God being the best friend that shoves you out onto the dance floor in high school because he knows you can dance if you’ll just quit talking yourself out of it.

Not really super organized thoughts or lessons on this post, I suppose.  But I’m feeling grateful for a God who denies us the very thing we want the most because he knows us better than we know ourselves.  And I’m thankful that I don’t leave work feeling like crap about myself every day.  This life is a pretty good life.  I suppose that’s about all that’s on my mind today.

Thanks for reading.  Go be a hero, okay?

We’re cheap crappy mulch. And that’s good.

Something snapped in my head this morning. The current Christian church is hammering away at how God loves you even though you’re a mess, even though you’re broken, even though you’re not perfect.

And that’s all true. But crap, dude, I’m sick of hearing about it. Listen, if you’re in a place where you think you’re too big of a mess for God to love you, you’re wrong. It’s as simple as that. Just get over it. God loves you. And he’s got some crap he needs you to take care of, so just… GRRR. Get over it.

And then it started hitting me. God created all of us. And I operate under the belief that he’s not an idiot and doesn’t screw up. So why are we all so broken? Okay, bust out the theology about the original sin, and blah blah blah my eyes roll back into my head and I want to take a nap.

My thought turned to this: What if God didn’t screw up? What if we’re NOT broken? Well that doesn’t work perfectly. There’s some crap about me that is definitely broken. Okay, what else? What is this thought trying to creep up to the top of my head?

And then it hit me. We’re mulch. We’re cheap, low level, throw-away mulch. And it’s AWESOME! Let me explain.

We used to garden a lot. And we saw this video a guy did on his garden and how shockingly productive and beautiful it was. No watering system. No fertilization. No pesticides. But amazing results. This dude had organic farmers travelling in to see how he did it. No one could figure it out.

His secret was mulch. Lots of it. He just laid down a new layer of mulch every year and it broke down over time and held in water, fended off pests, acted as fertilizer as it broke down. Mulch. That was it. And it was all free. He worked out a deal with the electric company to dump all their grindings on his property every time they went out tree trimming. And they went tree trimming a lot. He had lots of free mulch.

So as is always the case, other people tried it. And one dude in particular really bought into this system. He ordered up a giant load of the best quality mulch. It was expensive. And it didn’t work. At all.

What? What happened?

The problem was that his mulch was perfect. It was perfectly consistent in size. It was only one type of wood. No leaves. No spare twigs here and there. It was perfect. Perfectly useless.

It turns out the free crappy mulch has tons of junk in there that isn’t pretty, but is the backbone of feeding this guy’s garden. And he didn’t even know it.

So I’m mulch. And so are you. And the good news is that we’re the cheap crappy kind with all sorts of odd looking things stuck inside that look bad but work great. We’re not pretty on the outside. But here’s the thing: We work. We’re USEFUL.

So yeah I suppose this is just one more post about it being okay to be broken. But I’m trying to take it a step further than that. Maybe what we call “broken” isn’t broken. Right?  But being constantly told we’re broken kinda sucks the life out of you after a while.  You get to a place where you’re like, “Well I’m really broken and I suck and I’m a mess.  But at least God loves me.”  Dude.  That’s frickin’ depressing.  I don’t think God wired us up to feel like that all the time.

Maybe all this mess is what breaks down over time into something that can feed the starving around us. This mess will produce something that is beautiful, nourishing, and naturally fends off those who would seek to do us harm. Maybe instead of finally accepting that we’re broken, we should look in the mirror and realize this thing you’re seeking is just as jacked up and messy and you think it is. And that it is for that very reason… unbroken.

I’m not saying we don’t owe God everything for the grace he shows us every day.  But perhaps we’ve lulled ourselves into inaction by constantly drilling into our own heads how “broken” we are and God’s up there like, “Get over dudes.  Broken means you can’t function.  You ain’t broken.  I’m kinda waiting for you to, like, start working.  Ya know?”

Those are my slightly disorganized thoughts for the day. Later all.

Tried reading the Bible. Didn’t work.

So I made this commitment to start reading the Bible every day, and I gotta be honest and say it didn’t work.  None of the changes I was expecting in my life happened.

____________________

Isn’t that how we sometimes see reading the Bible?  Do this, read a certain number of chapters every day, or follow this reading plan, and the things you want changed in your life will change.  You’ll crave sweets less, you’ll be less tempted by sin, etc.  It’s a chore that we engage in for the purpose of producing change in our lives.

And even if we read the Bible for the proper purpose of building a relationship with God, well damnit that’s taking too long also!  I mean goodness sakes I’ve been at this for DAYS ON END and I’m still not hearing from God, not getting the guidance I was expecting, no still small voice.

Now that’s our expectation of God.  But is this even a realistic expectation for other human beings?  “Hey I tell you what, I talked to this lady on the phone like four times this week and still no marriage proposal.  What gives?”  We don’t think that way about other people.  But we kinda do think that way about God.

If anything, we need to be MORE patient with God.  Right?  Look at how patient God is with us.  He tends to take his time doing things.  Before Christ was born, it was hundreds of years of silence from God without a single prophet.  That’s a lot of time!  But it’s not to God.  So the seven months of daily prayer and scripture it will take us to even begin to see some type of relationship starting to form might be exactly what God wants.  Because he knows how long it takes us to get the crap cleared out of our heads in order to be in a position to build genuine fellowship with him.  God knows what he’s doing.

So I wrote this post partially to be tongue-in-cheek but there was an ounce of reality in it.  I seriously did get irritated at God for not seeing the signs of a developing relationship after literally a few days of genuinely trying to build one.  And I though, “Well God must be saying, ‘I’ve been waiting 43 years for you, ya screwball!'”  But I’m not sure God uses harsh vulgarities like “screwball.”

Anyway, my point is this.  You and I are simply not going to see a robust meaningful relationship spring forth after spending 8 minutes reading scripture and praying three whole days in a row.  But we need to stick with it.  Continue, even when it feels like we’re just sitting there reading a book, or praying to the bed sheets.  God has been patient with us for all the years we’ve been alive without spending this time with him.  It’s only fair for us to be patient with God, especially since the only reason we’re being made to wait is that God sees the perfect timing coming up some day in our future.  We can trust him on that.

JDV

Crap. I’m on repeat.

So I was skimming through some posts from years past over the weekend and something hit me.  I’m on repeat.  I’m writing about the same crap today that I was writing about three years ago.  I even saw a post about how important it is to take care of yourself, and that I was going to start doing so, and I weighed 30 pounds LESS when I wrote that post.

I read posts about talking to God, reading the Bible, and all sorts of other wonderful things to do to grow spiritually, etc. etc.  And then a few months later I’d write a similar post.  Why?  Because I still wasn’t doing any of the crap I said I was going to do the first time I wrote about it.

Grrr!

I feel like I’m at a point where I need to start producing actual change in my life or any credibility I have writing this blog goes out the window.

“Hey did you see those super insightful posts about changing your life and your faith that Jim Voigt wrote?”

“Yeah.  Wow his life must be super transformed.”

“Oh well not really.  He just writes about it.  He doesn’t actually change his own life, silly.  It’s the internet after all!”

So I don’t want that to be me.  If I’m going to write about being on a journey, I’d better start… journeying.  My life should start looking different than it looks today.

Thinking about it that way kinda puts some pressure on.  But you rarely ever get anywhere in life sitting by the warm cozy fire of your comfort zone.

JDV

My leaking cup can’t runneth over.

“My cup runneth over.”  We know the verse from Psalms.  But is it true?  I have this theory that my cup is actually leaking like crazy.  Let me explain.

Sitting in church I got this image in my head.  An image of God pouring himself out into “my cup”, as the verse says.  But it’s not running over.  It’s leaking like crazy.  God can’t keep up with the leaking and my cup remains empty.  But what he brings I’m not accepting.  Yes, there is emptiness in my life, but I’m not going to God to fill it.  I’ve got a million other options out there to fill my cup.  And they’re all toxic.  Literally burning holes through this metaphorical cup of mine so that every time I fill my wants and needs with anything other than God the holes just get bigger, and leak faster, and I seek to fill them faster and faster and I can’t keep up either.

We’re all looking to fill our cups somehow.  And we don’t even need to leave the couch to do it.  We’re filled up by TV, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, Twitter.  Heck, who needs a drug addiction anymore?  Fill it faster!  It’s leaking.  Fill it faster!  And maybe for you it is way beyond TV and social media.  Maybe you’re drinking, using drugs, addicted to sex, pornography.

The supply of things to fill your cup is absolutely endless.  And the greater our need, the more toxins we pour in.  We’re convinced that if we just keep turning up the intensity of what we pour into that cup that we’ll satisfy that need, fill that cup.  But the more toxic we go, the bigger the holes get.  And we find ourselves distant from God.  God must just sit there looking at us with sadness, knowing how easy it would be to fill that cup with one single pour of clean, pure water that washes away all of the toxins and begins healing us.  So why do we reject this pure water for our cups?  Why do we keep trying harder and harder to pour faster the very things we know are causing bigger and bigger leaks?

I’ve got this long list of things I need to get done before accepting that pure water from God.  We’re trying to patch up this cup ourselves and plug the holes so THEN we can go get that refreshing pure water and cleanse.  And there is Christ, standing there with his hand out and a beautiful, fresh, perfect cup just waiting to hand it to us.  But I have such a hard time just taking it because I haven’t earned it.  It’s hard for me to get past that.

So now what?  Do we close our eyes and say, “Yea Lord on High I beseech thee accept my life into thy hands… blah blah blah.”  Trust me, I’ve done the dramatic “give my life to God” speech a thousand times.  After a few days or a few weeks, my life went back to the way it was.  Pour, pour, pour.  Faster, faster, faster.  More toxic by the day.  What to do?

I’m going to do exactly what I’d do if I wanted to build a real, lasting relationship with any person I might meet.  I’ll talk to God every day.  And I’ll focus on just regular conversation.  Not some formula, and not while I’m falling asleep on my pillow.  I actually like the whole praying on my knees thing because it helps me focus.  My mind races all over the place, but not as much while I’m on my knees.  So I’ll do that.  And at first it will seem weird, or ineffective, but I’ll stay at it.

And I’ll read God’s book.  Right now I don’t hear from God very often.  There is a lot of competing noise in my head so that still small voice gets drowned out pretty easily.  But I can hear from God by reading his word, and I’ll do that too.  No magic pills here.  This is pretty simple nuts and bolts type stuff.  I’ll do it, and bring you along for the ride.  Hope you bring me along on your ride too.

Have a good night, all.  I’ll see you next week.

Photo credit: http://www.gailperry.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/leaky-bucket.jpg

 

A different Christmas story.

An angel appeared to the Lord with a concern about the Lord’s people. The Lord met with him to address his concerns. “Lord, I have seen that they have cold hearts and cannot forgive. What should we do?”

“I’ve also seen this,” said the Lord. “We will send them a messenger to teach them to forgive even the worst of betrayals.”

“Yes Lord. I will choose a messenger from among the strongest, wisest and brightest.”

But the Lord said, “No do not look to their strength and wisdom. If we chose that way, then it would only make them work harder to gain strength and wisdom on their own. I love them as they are, in all their weakness. Look instead into their hearts. Choose Joseph, the smallest of his brothers, and allow his brothers to betray him deeply. Then I will give him a heart of forgiveness years later and the people will learn that I grant to them the power to forgive and they will never forget.”

The angel did as the Lord said, but later became concerned again. “Lord, I see that the people are in captivity and are frightened because they lack the strength or cunning to free themselves.”

“I’ve also seen this,” said the Lord. “We will send a messenger to persuade their oppressors and free them from captivity. He will also deliver to them my law.”

“Yes Lord. I will choose the most gifted speaker and powerful advocate.”

But the Lord said, “No do not look at their ability to speak and the power of their words. Look instead to their heart. Choose Moses, who struggles with his speech. And send his brother Aaron with him since he also struggles with his confidence. Then I will give him words to speak, and confidence to deliver my messages to his oppressors. And the people will know that I love them, and that I will replace their weakness with strength through me and they will never forget.”

The angel did as the Lord said, but later became concerned again. “Lord, I see that the people are afraid of the enemies that surround them and that they will not be able to enter the land you’ve promised to them.”

“I’ve also seen this,” said the Lord. “We will send a messenger to teach them that their victories are won only through me because I love them.”

“Yes Lord. I will choose the most gifted military leaders to send them into battle, and equip them with the most powerful weapons ever known to man.”

But the Lord said, “No, do not choose their most gifted military leaders, and do not equip them with any weapons at all. Instead, look to the heart of their leaders and choose Joshua to lead them to war with nothing but trumpets, and then they will know that I love them and will deliver them to victory by means they would never have imagined on their own and they will never forget.”

The angel did as the Lord said, but later became concerned again. “Lord, your people face an incredible army with the fiercest of all warriors known to man. They are frozen in fear.”

“I’ve also seen this,” said the Lord. “We will send a messenger to them to tell them that they can rely on me to deliver victory over even the most powerful of warriors.”

“Yes Lord. I will choose the most powerful warrior among your people and adorn him with the best weapons and armor to ensure his victory.”

But the Lord said, “No do not choose the most powerful warrior, but instead choose a man with a good heart. We will choose David, a mere shepherd boy and the smallest of his brothers, and send him into battle without so much as a single piece of armor and the slightest of weapons. That way, the people will know that I love them and will deliver them from even their fiercest of their enemies in ways they would never imagine, and they will never forget.”

The angel did as the Lord said, but the people did forget. Time and again the angel went to the Lord and the Lord would send the least likely of messengers to the people so that they knew the Lord loved them as they were and did not seek out the greatest among them, but instead sought those with the greatest heart. But the people continued to forget, and the angel went to the Lord because the people had fallen into the deepest sin the angel had ever seen.

“Lord I am without any words and do not even know what to pray for. You have shown them your love so many times and yet they are steeped in sin. Is there anything left to do but punish them severely for their sins? I fear this is the only thing you can do that they will not forget.”

The Lord thought for a time and his face fell into sadness. He said to the angel, “You are right that they must answer for their sins. But their sins are too great and I promised before that I would never destroy them outright. We will instead have one man answer for all of their sins so that the world may see it.”

The angel accepted the Lord’s command and said, “Yes Lord. I will choose the most sinful from among them and bring him before the keepers of the law so that he might be publicly punished and put to death for the world to see. And then they will not forget.”

But the Lord said, “Is it you who has forgotten as well? Do not choose the most sinful among them, but instead look to their heart. We will instead send one who is entirely without sin and has the purest of hearts.”

“Lord forgive me but I do not see even one who is entirely without sin and with a pure heart.”

The Lord’s face fell further into sadness as he turned to his right and stared intently for a moment. When he turned back to the angel his face was wet with tears. The angel pleaded, “Lord no. Forgive me but it cannot be. It simply cannot be.”

“Make way for him,” said the Lord.

The angel fell into sadness and said, “Lord if it is your will then let it be so. But I beg that you please allow me to prepare an arrival fit for a king so that the people will see the magnitude of your sacrifice for them.”

But instead, the Lord instructed the angel to prepare the way of the most humble of births in the harshest of conditions so that the people would see that he loved them not for their grandeur but in their most broken condition. This way, the people would never forget.

The angel did as the Lord said, and called for a census to be taken such that the birth might take place where the Lord had commanded.

And to this day, many of the people have still not forgotten.

Have you?

Photo credit: https://ellynbaker.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/crying-angel.jpg