Why do I have such a hard time with obedience to God? Why do I have such a hard time with prayer? The answer is simpler than you might think. I’m pretty happy with my life the way it is right now. I know that stricter obedience to God, and spending more time in prayer with God, will bring me closer to Him. And I know that it could get messy.
One of my readers used the term “messy abandonment” in a comment. And even though I don’t yet describe myself as obedient to God, and I don’t do a good job of staying in constant prayer, I can see that things will get messy as I continue to grow in that direction. All of the little pieces I have lined up on the shelf will be knocked around, and out of order. I’m getting closer to where I’m okay with that. I’ve actually been praying lately for the willingness to become closer to God, to have a more open heart to obey Him, and a more mindful heart to stay in constant prayer.
And I think it’s making a difference in me. I think I can feel that relationship getting closer. It’s crazy if you think about it. The creator of everything sits there with His arms open waiting for me. For me. How crazy is that? I can barely get my head around it. In reality, I should be begging for the opportunity to kneel at His feet. Instead He just waits for me to come to Him. And when I do, He welcomes me with open arms.
Raised by a woman to taught me to earn everything I ever get, this is tough to figure out. But I’m figuring it out. Slowly. And I can see that it’s gonna get messy.
We were built to be heroes. And heroes get messy when they have to.